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How my book’s cover was designed

My book has a couple 1-star ratings on Amazon. Both reviewers admittedly didn’t read it, but judged the book by its cover…

I have not read this book, but I just have a question for the author regarding the cover of the book. I would like to ask, why did you use brown hands for the guy who is holding the Finnish girl on the cover page? Is that just out of mere coincedence or was there a reason for it??


I think it is strange too that the cover has brown nands, as if to say that all brown men really want to ge their hands on a white woman from the far North. Brown people can be happy with their own too.

Whoa!! What’s wrong with that guy? He capitalized “North”!?

Here’s the final cover…


Designing the front cover of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” was exciting and I wanted to be involved in the process. As a marketer I know the importance of retail packaging. And as a PR guy I know the importance of building buzz. A book’s cover is its first impression. So naturally I wanted something striking and intriguing.

My editor hooked me up with the super talented, and super patient, graphic designer Laura Noponen and basically gave us free rein. My editor never suggested a photographer for the cover. I guess my face would deter customers.

Here was my original pitch to Laura…

date: Tue, May 24, 2011 at 9:55 AM
subject: Re: Vs: Book cover

Laura, hi

If you don’t know, the book is called “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” and the subtitle is “Everything you wanted to know about Finland, that Finns wouldn’t tell you.” It’s a humor book about Finland, but it’s quite edgy – it’s not a tourist book at all, and avoids all the typical Finnish cliches. It’s targeted to Finns and foreigners who already know quite a lot about Finland. So I’m looking for a book cover that’s both 1) Humorous and 2) Edgy.

I have two ideas for the book cover….

1. Do you know that famous Väinämöinen/Aino painting of the man chasing the woman in the lake? The cover would be a depiction of that painting, but the man is a foreigner, of maybe African or Middle Eastern descent. The idea is to take that classic painting, update it to 2011, and show what modern Finnish couples look like.

2. Ever seen a 1950’s American cookbook? I’ve attached a few examples. That 1950’s American-woman-wearing-high-heels-while-baking is the complete opposite of a modern Finnish woman – and therein lies the humor. I love that 1950’s illustrator style, it’s again very popular thanks to that show “Mad Men”. I kinda picture the classic “Elovena” girl, blonde hair and high cheekbones, but in a classic American dress baking some Karelian pastries. Maybe her husband is an African guy wearing a suit, heading out to work. It would be a clash of American and Finnish cultures, all done with that 1950’s font and style.

Do any of those ideas resonate with you? Do they stir your creative juices at all? :-)

Thanks so much for working with me on this!

– Phil


Yeah, my idea was to take Finland’s most sacred piece of national history and turn its main character from a God into a Somalian. That would have a sold TONS of books!!

But I wanted to depict a modern Finnish couple. And I had really gotten into “Mad Men” at the time so I wanted Betty Draper on the front. Here’s some samples I sent Laura…


Laura had an awesome idea to have the Fazer’s Laku-Pekka character holding the Elovena girl. Here is an early rough draft….

Unfortunately we can’t use those two trademarks. And Fazer ceased using the character in 2007. Probably something to do with it being extremely racist.

Below are some other rough drafts. Remember, these were just mock-ups and not necessarily ready for publication…






After several drafts back and forth (like I said, Laura is VERY patient) we all agreed on the cover you’ve seen. I absolutely love it. A modern Finnish couple in love! Or maybe it’s a foreigner groping a white girl. You decide!!

Many thanks for to Laura Noponen for permission to use her early designs


Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at:

  • StevenSt

    Love this article and seeing the mockups. Obviously the MustaPekka/Elovenna is my fave.. hilarious. Good job.

    • Phil Schwarzmann


  • RebelYell

    Not sure that first idea would have been a particularly good one, Aino ended up commiting suicide rather than marrying him after all…

  • Harry

    What’s your agenda man? I get trying to sell books, but this is just borderline propaganda. A modern couple? Black man white women? What are you even talkin about dude? You make it sound like white men and white women are two different species.

  • Suvi

    I don’t appreciate your book cover and it’ll keep me from reading your book. With the man’s hands appearing to grope or grab the woman, it looks like you think dark men want to be with a lily-white woman for the “Big House” experience. Or maybe you think they’re trying to steal a bit of the great white world? Why did you feel the need to make it a race thing? I’m a foreigner married to a Finn and neither of us is black, brown or whatever. How much time did you actually spend outside of Helsinki while you were here? Did you check out Finn/Foreigner marriages outside of the capital area?

  • antilles

    I read the book and I liked it – very much. Thank you Phil. I don’t care about the cover.

  • Eddie Stampton

    The cover of your book is utterly disgusting. Zionist propaganda of the worst kind. Why not write a book about Israel and have a picture of a Palestinian with his arms around a Jewish girl on the cover? You can call it ‘How to marry a Jewish girl’. Oh, sorry, no you can’t can you, as marriages between Jews & gentiles are illegal to perform & not recognised in Israel. You people make me sick.

    • Joshua Peter Markham

      How about a book cover picture of Anne Frank hugged by the suit-sleeves of an SS officer. Replacement of Indigenous Europeans and their genetic destruction are to Schwartzmann, Barbara Spectre, Soros and their ilk, only genocide when its not a Chosen-Person exposing it.

  • Pete

    I love the fact that people on Amazon really did “judge the book by its cover”. I just moved to Finland and married a Finnish girl, and I think your book is genius. Also are the three most recent comments here actually for real? I barely noticed the cover to be honest!

  • ShadowsofLight

    Clearly open borders for Israel is the future.

  • Joshua Peter Markham

    “He capitalised far ” North”????/ What’s his problem???”. Well, we white Europeans are but humble Gentiles and we don’t have the over-clocked intelligence of the Descendants of the shtetl. And lamentably, we’re disproportionately poor in Nobel prizes in physics, therefore poor also in Adonai’s allocation of Neshomas or love. And though the Europe we love is being swamped with Soros’s sub-Saharans with sub-80 IQ levels, we have so far at least, not entirely succumbed to the self loathing your ilk are afflicted with or the miscegenation and Falasha-level IQs your ilk wish we’d afflicted ourselves with. Tearfully, we lack a Yiddishe-Kopf or a commission to be a Light but we’re still sufficiently numerate to appreciate that Eretz Israel (with a capital E & I) can’t afford to alienate its remaining White and White- European non-haters. We Ancient Europeans are’nt the Apple of His eye. Our Babies aren’t afflicted with your Tay-Sachs either. 1 in 25 of us don’t have a 1 in 4 chance of a kid too stupid to crawl much less recognise genocide is genocide, the hypocracy of Eretz Israel (again capitalised) or Jews (also capitalised) like you with your genocide-espousing book cover.

  • Anonymous

    What a cuck

  • L. Rokku

    I would rather off myself than marry some arab/negro.
    Do you know that most finnish women still call blacks “Niggers” in private?
    And we all know to stay away from arabs.
    Some suvakit or thots with a jungle fever phase might say different, but they’re the minority. Out of the big cities we detest you.

    • Syksy

      Vittu, mä rakastan sua.

Buy my fucking book! (please)


Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

About Better! Funner!


Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!