Click me:
The Ultimate Slut Test

The Ultimate Slut Test

Your friends call you a slut, your mom agrees, your boyfriend isn’t sure, your ex-boyfriend is sure, and your dad knows first hand. But are you really? Take this 10 question quiz to find out. Give yourself one point each time you say YES…

1. Have you had a sex with an OB/GYN?
– Was it a hot young woman just out of med school?
– Was it an older man decades out of med school?
– Was it Bill Cosby?

2. Have you had a threesome?
– Was it with the cast of Three’s Company?
– Was John Ritter stiff?

3. Have you joined the “Mile High Club”?
– Have you had a club sandwich at Mile High?
– Ever had Subway’s seafood and crab sub?
– The whole 12″?

4. Have you ever had a “golden shower”?
– Did your partner just eat asparagus?
– Were you secretly craving Hollandaise sauce?

5. Have you had sex while blind-folded?
– Were you at a children’s birthday party?
– Was there a live donkey?
– Dead honkey?

6. Have you played strip poker?
– With a full house?
– With all spades?

7. Have you tried sexual role-playing?
– Have you tried normal role-playing?
– Have you tried live action role-playing?
– Did you make all your own weapons?

8. Have you used whipped cream sexually?
– It wasn’t that fat free stuff, right?
– Did your partner have a milk allergy?

9. Have you ever had sex in the water?
– Was it the Indian Ocean?
– Was it with Frank Ocean?
– Did he use a broken water balloon as a condom?

10. Do you know what a “blumpkin” is?
– Have you have had one?
– Seriously, that’s fucked up.

ANSWERS:
0 – 5 | You’re a slut
6 – 10 | Dirty, dirty slut
11 – 15 | Please call me: (415) 234 – 8495
16 – 20 | Seriously, call me. I have $$$.
21 – 25 | I have your IP address, I’m hunting your ass down.
26 – 30 | You hear that knock at your door?
31 – 35 | It’s me.
36 – 40 | Open the damn door.
41+ | Can I at least use your bathroom?

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • Back at the office after a couple weeks off. Or as I like to call it, "Let's see what's growing in my half-empty c… https://t.co/bA49xn3F5i
  • You know you're fully relaxed on vacation when you and your partner argue about which day of the week it is, and you're both wrong.
  • Looked at my Outlook for the first time in a while. It just said, "Bleak."
  • He spelled ‘marginal’ wrong. https://t.co/p7wlj3rmjR
  • NBC is promoting its New Year’s Eve special. They tout it, “The night you’ll never forget!” I feel like if there’s… https://t.co/hw6i0ds5hy
  • My car registration form came with a flyer that reads in big bold letters: "GET A DUI - LOSE YOUR LICENSE!" Should… https://t.co/SfBSPuPznJ
  • I’ve developed a new phobia which I’ve dubbed “Crystalphobia”: The fear that the new Oscars host will be Billy Crys… https://t.co/5hfdzTzssK

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

Better!

Funner!

Better!

Funner!