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How annoying are your Facebook updates?

Most of your friends’ Facebook updates are painfully annoying. You’d unfriend them, but fear they’d be upset. And besides, you don’t know how.

Everyone on Facebook can fit into at least one of 21 different personalities. Below are the 21 different types of personalities and their typical annoying updates. Which Facebook personality are you?

 

The workaholic

It’s 10pm, guess I’m leaving the office EARLY tonight!

They should install a bed below my desk because I practically live at work!

This job is the only thing in my life that makes me feel important.

 

The jet-setter

I only got business class to Singapore and not first class. UGH!!!!!!

SFO -> JFK -> LHR -> HEL -> SAD

I never see my wife and kids, LOL!

 

The gym rat

Getting in a quick workout before breakfast.

I just ran 13km with Endomondo.

People certainly don’t like me for my personality, so I gotta workout everyday!

 

The annoying guy who wishes he was a comedian

Hey, check out my latest blog post!!

Rape, fuck, AIDS, douchebag, sucks, donkey punch, blowjobs!!!!!

SHITTING!!!

 

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Your $3 million viral video didn’t go viral – now what!!

The Old Spice guy…The Chiptole farmer…The Paris Hilton Hotels sex tape.

Viral videos. They’re the ultimate marketing campaign. Spend your company’s entire marketing budget on a KILLER video that’ll spread like volcanic ash clouds. The stylish Swedish ad agency promised “it wöuld gö virål!” right before they took you out for a 5am night of meatballs and blow.

A week after it’s live you’re up to 3,000 views – about 2,997,000 shy of what you promised your psychopathic boss. “Annoying Orangejuice” was a lock!! The Swedes’ answer is a follow-up video which’ll make the first video gö virål. All they need is another million euros to make that happen. But that ain’t gonna happen.

So here’s what you do…

Hire a viral agency that guarantees views

For just $50,000 they promise 500,000 clicks!! Sounds too good to be true, but their British accents make them sound credible. When asked how they work their magic, they smile (bad teeth) and say something too witty for any American to understand. The “Filipino refresh team” await your cheque so they can get to work. High five? F5!!

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  • “Hey let’s hunt down old acquaintances of someone and convince them to lie and say they were sexually assaulted by… https://t.co/oFm5QtnyKx

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

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