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  • Seeing gray hairs makes me feel old. But finding a gray pube is whole new thing.
  • I want to to take that 23andMe ancestry test to discover which cultures are in my heritage...so I can make fun of them and get away with it.
  • George W Bush George HW Bush Donald HPV Trump
  • If you ever see me in my cubicle with headphones on, you know I'm working hard. If you see me in my cubicle WITHOU… https://t.co/Z11X0juXMY
  • The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon is this generation's "Hee Haw".

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

Better!

Funner!

Better!

Funner!