Age 39: The age when you have at least one part of your body hurting at all times. @philschwarzmann
Realized I spent all of yesterday wearing an ‘L’ sticker on my brand new shirt. Great.
Does it mean ‘Large’? No, I wish. @philschwarzmann
Autocorrect so annoying! I kept trying to type “Can’t wait to wear my new jersey!!” but it kept correcting to “Can… https://t.co/6a1sAvhwJV @philschwarzmann
Me: “I’m gonna have a healthy salad for lunch.”
Coworker: “There’s pizza in the break room!”
Me: “I’m gonna eat ALL the pizza.” @philschwarzmann
With Papa John gone, we finally removed racism from pizza producers! Unless you’re a Republican making DiGiorino at home. @philschwarzmann
Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!
Area Man Has Enthusiastic Conversation With Starbucks
Here’s What’s Really Going On With FINNBAY
How to Roll into Work 2 Hours Late and Not Get Caught