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Better! Funner!

Denver Fans Be Like…

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by  |  on February 2nd, 2014  |  0 comments

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • Republicans be like: “We should lock up crackheads!” and then “I can’t stop eating M&M’s, they’re like crack!”
  • You know you drink too much if you want alcohol, but are bored of beer, wine, and liquor.
  • Solving the gun crisis by adding more guns is like curing a hangover with more booze, it’s…wait, nevermind, this analogy isn’t helping.
  • If airlines charge heavyset people for an extra seat, I should be able to murder people whose chargers take up two sockets.
  • Instagram is NOT a marijuana delivery service.
  • The United States says, “No one treats its poor people worse than us!” and the United Kingdom be like, “Hold my beer…”
  • I’m fine with cops shooting people when they “feel” scared for their lives, as long as citizens are allowed to shoot cops when scared.

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

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