Click me:

Area Dogs Share Mixed Feelings on Super Bowl

SEATTLE, WA – With the largest TV event of the year just a week away, dozens of area dogs share mixed feelings of the Super Bowl and related parties coming to their domiciles.

While the momental game between the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks is highly anticipated by millions of fans worldwide, local canines are weighing the pros and cons.

“Every year my owners have a big party! It’s very exciting!! Everyone is VERY happy to see me. I get a LOT of attention and there isn’t an itch on my body that doesn’t get scratched,” says Redmond resident Rusty, a wire-haired dachshund. “But the doorbell rings every five seconds with new guests. I can’t help but bark! And I’m not allowed to bark. I’m a bad boy. A very bad boy.”

A bad boy indeed. Several towns over, 12-year old Bella, a black lab and 2005 Seattle Kennel Club blue ribbon winner agrees.

“The sudden outbursts is what bothers me. All my owner’s friends are laughing and smiling, then screaming! Was it me? Did I do something wrong?” she says eyebrows down and tail between legs.

3-year old Oggie, a Shetland sheepdog and accomplished frisbee catcher from Boulder, looks forward to the free food. “My master’s guests are always slipping me snacks and even dropping food on the floor. As the game progresses, food is dropped at a higher rate,” he says with tail oscillating wildly. “But then I have to poop and my master says ‘Just wait two more minutes’ and it’s never just two minutes!”

“Towards the end of the game everyone let’s me lick their face, which is great,” says Olive, a 5-year old Pit-Lab mix and cheese connoisseur. “It’s also great that everyone leaves the toilet lid up. I’m never thirsty.”

No word on whom the dogs are rooting for. Ginger, an 8-year old Bulldog and avid sleeper, has a guess. “I assume I’m a Broncos fan if I am to believe this matching Broncos sweater, Broncos bandanna and Broncos dog tag currently on my body.”

The annual game will come and go soon enough for the dogs. Just 57 more sleeps.

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

  • Irene @ Fuiviagens

    I think dogs can feel what their owners feel, and even more things besides the ones we are aware of. So, it’s no surprise that they had mixed feelings :)

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • I typed "Phil Schwarzmann net worth" into Google and it yielded zero results, which is spot on.
  • Will Spacey, Franken, Weinstein and others be recognized at this year’s Oscars IN MEMORIAM segment?
  • Apple, at this point, I'm not purchasing more iCloud space out of PURE SPITE.
  • I know for a fact that there's no chocolate around the house, yet, I'm searching the cupboards anyway.
  • “Hey let’s hunt down old acquaintances of someone and convince them to lie and say they were sexually assaulted by… https://t.co/oFm5QtnyKx
  • If the next wave of sexual allegations is simply about “bad sex”, I am going to get fucking roasted.
  • I hope “That’s what she said!” is next on list of sexual harassment jokes to disappear forever. I’m tired of being… https://t.co/2AsEaso4bg

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

Better!

Funner!

Better!

Funner!