Americans are confident they are the funniest people in the world. I mean, have you seen something funny from another country? Of course not.
So many great comedic Americans out there like: John Candy, Jim Carey, Russell Peters, Sofia Vergara, Ricky Gervais, David Brent, Borat…all Americans. All funny.
But sometimes the American sense of humor doesn’t make home runs abroad. Here’s ten things only hilarious Americans find funny…
A Christmas Story
Nothing captures America’s childhood innocense more than A Christmas Story. While being a box office flop, it experienced a resurgence thanks to media mogul Ted Turner, who, during Christmas, repeats this movie 24 hours straight on his network. Americans have literally memorized every line of this, while the outside world has never heard of it.
License Plates
While European plates are way more James Bond, Americans are more Austin Powers. Who doesn’t love a cryptic joke during morning rush hour?
Saturday Night Live
A staple of American television since 1975, SNL has launched the illustrious careers of gabs of comedic actors. The live show is written and recorded in the span of just six days and lampoons American politics, people, and culture, leaving the rest of the world saying, “huh?” and “I do not like this Adam Sandler you speak of”.
Humorous Tattoos
Only Americans are dumb enough to ink one-liners on their gross bodies. While some tattoos can be funny (Steve-O’s cursive “Your Name” on his ass), others are not (All others).
Baseball Bloopers
Only Americans, and those who wish to defect to America, appreciate baseball. Europeans especially hate baseball, and you will too if you ever try to explain its rules to a foreigner. Just say, “Here’s another beer, now let’s hope two outfielders crash into one another.”
Farts
Americans don’t take themselves too seriously and deep down we know we’re rather ridiculous. Hence, we love poo, pee, and fart jokes. In that order.
The Jews
The foundation of American humor is built on the backs of God’s chosen people. Their unique comedic voice is what separates our sense of humor from the rest of the world. Where would we be without Larry David, Mel Brooks, Andy Kaufman, Garry Shandling, Jerry Seinfeld, Lenny Bruce, and Sarah Silverman? And to think some want to exterminate these funny people!
They Might Be Giants
Imagine a 1800’s-era stagecoach driver cracking a whip and yelling, “Minimum wage!!! Hyahh!!” Don’t find that funny? We thought so.
Minstrel Shows
This and “Mind of Mencia” are the two worst things in American comedy. Andrew Dice Clay would be considered a “clean comic” back in the early 1900’s.
Garrison Keillor
Remember the days of sitting around the radio? Me neither. But Midwesterners do, cause they do it each week listening to Garrison’s sketches on “Prairie Home Companion”. I’m with the rest of the world here…it ain’t good.
BONUS: The Family Circus
This funny is only funny while eating pancakes. The only people who love this comic strip are Americans and Jesus.
Non-Americans, what am I missing?
I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com
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