Click me:

Vampire Tim Lincecum

Be on the lookout for VAMPIRE TIM LINCECUM!! He was bitten and turned from a human starting pitcher, into a relief pitcher. He drinks tiger blood.


Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at:

Buy my fucking book! (please)


Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • Casual Fridays during Covid is just whatever I wore on Thursday.
  • I don't have a favorite number. But I do have a least favorite number, and that number is whatever age I am at the moment.
  • I wanna get that Johnson & Johnson shot just so I can talk shit to people waiting for their second Moderna shot.
  • sun way too bright yesterday, hurt my eyes
  • In the early 1900’s there were dozens of house-moving companies. They used horses back the.

About Better! Funner!


Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!