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The Appster Changelog – App Store Top 10 here we come!!!!!


The Appster Team!! From left to right: Pete, Jim (me), and Mary

Appster is the latest and greatest mobile phone app coming out of Silicon Valley. It’s bound to be #1 in the Apple AppStore. Below are changes made to improve Appster, as logged by the app’s CEO Jim Taylor (me)…

 

01/12/11 – v1.0

Appster has gone GOLD and is ready to download!!! Special thanks to Pete Thompson and Mary Egerstein for their countless hours developing this app. App Store Top 10 here we come!! –Jim Taylor

01/13/11 – v1.0.1

First bug found…and squashed!! Your Appster password may now include numbers, characters, and the letter ‘E’. Hat tip to our coder Pete Thompson for the fix.

01/14/11 – v1.0.2

‘Nuther day, ‘nuther bug…SWAT! Appster will no longer publish your full credit card details onto Twitter.

02/01/11 – v1.1

First new feature!! Appster now suggests mp3’s for your listening pleasure. Enjoy! App Store Top 100 here we come!!

02/02/11 – v1.1.1

Weird, Appster only suggested the extended remix of Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Get Enough”. This has been fixed.

02/03/11 – v1.1.2

Appster now suggests more bands than just Depeche Mode.

02/20/11 – v1.2

Some personal news – I’ve asked our developer Mary Egerstein for her hand in marriage…AND SHE SAID YES!! In celebration, Appster is now FREE throughout the rest of February. FREE!!

02/21/11 – v1.2.1

Yup, that was the inside of a walrus’s asshole uploaded to your Flickr account. Apparently coder Pete Thompson had a crush on fiancé and fellow coder Mary Egerstein, and decided to sabotage Appster. Sincerest apologies. Needless to say this has been fixed and Pete is no longer with the Appster team.

02/22/11 – v1.2.2

More bugs!! What is this…a Congolese jungle?? LOL! When a WiFi connection cannot be established, Appster no longer dials 9-1-1, plays trucker_fart.wav, then hangs up.

02/23/11 – v1.2.3

Appster is now banned on the Congo. Sincerest apologies to the great people of the Congo. If it’s any help, I played “Congo Bongo” for HOURS as a kid on my Commodore 64.

03/03/11 – v1.3

Many thanks for all your votes on our Facebook Fan Page!! Your opinions matter. Appster is now localized into the following languages: Esperanto, Klingon, Latin, Pig Latin, and English. Android Marketplace Top 100 here we come!

04/06/11 – v1.3.1

Sorry for the long delay in updates. It appears my coder/fiancé, Mary Egerstein, has eloped to Barbados with former Appster coder/asshole Pete Thompson. One a positive note: One bug I’ve fixed personally: Appster no longer displays racial slurs if your username contains a Spanish ‘Ñ’. Lo siento.

04/07/11 – v1.3.2

…nor does Appster display homophobic comments if usernames contain ümlauts.

04/09/11 – v1.3.3

Updated Appster’s “About” section to include Mary Egerstein’s new surname: Mary Thompson. Congrats to her and Pete.

05/01/11 – v1.4

Appster is now FREE and completely ad-supported thanks to our new partners Trojan!

05/02/11 – v1.4.1

Do NOT open any e-mails from “Appster Support Team OPEN URGENT”!! Apparently our new partners, Trojan, are not the popular prophylactic variety, but instead the computer virus variety. Oopsie.

05/20/11 – v1.5

The big One-dot-Five! So we’ve been removed from the Apple App Store and Android Marketplace. I assume everyone knows how to jailbreak their phones?

05/25/11 – v1.5.1

Some additional bug fixes:
– Appster no longer gets jealous and drains your battery if you multitask to another app.
– Appster no longer sends an SMS to the first person in your contacts list telling them you’re having an affair with the second person in your contacts list.
– Removed the splash screen that says “PETE + MARY 4 EVER”.
– Removed the in-app purchases of Cocker-Spaniels-having-sex wallpapers.
– Appster no longer logs onto Facebook, joins the NAMBLA Facebook Group, then invites 10 of your youngest male friends.
– HTC devices no longer heat up to 170 degrees Fahrenheit when running Appster for more than ten minutes.
– Inputing British English no longer locks up your device.
– The “Easter Egg” that permanently deletes your Facebook account right before hard resetting your phone has been removed.
– Appster no longer takes the Lord’s name in vain.

06/01/11 – v1.6

Well the Appster team had a voted 2-1 to remove me from the team. It’s been a fun ride. Appster has been a great experience. I wish the best of luck to Pete, Mary, and our dozens of Appster fans in Vietnam! Appster is on sale for 79 cents this week.

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • I wanna play video games, but I'm feeling lazy. So for the next hour I'm just trying to solve CAPTCHA codes.
  • I keep saying I'm a hot mess. But I've been saying that for so long, it's no longer hot. I'm a cool mess.
  • When aliens from those new planets visit Earth and ask to, "Take us to your leader", can we get Alec Baldwin to wear his wig?
  • I've been spending more time on LinkedIn lately. There aren't as many jerks, like me, posting stuff about Trump.
  • If you decide to shave your head like I do, you'll immediately look 3 years older. But, you'll look that age for the next 15 years.
  • When we're looking at a photo of you and your sibling, and say, "Oh wow you guys look EXACTLY alike!" ...that's never a compliment. :-/
  • Who makes more mistakes? 1. Me typing spelling errors, or 2. Autocorrect correcting the correct word

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

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