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My Top 10 Oscar tweets

And what a coincidence, they were all written by me. While on wine and hummus…

10. Nice to see The Muppets – Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy making apparences while Fozzie Bear writing Billy Crystal’s jokes.

9. A George Clooney / Stacey Keibler sex tape could save solve world hunger.

8. Don’t know about you, but I LOVE Sound Mixing but fucking HATE Sound Editing.

7. Oscars are too slow – someone give Billy Crystal meth

6. I starred in THE fARTIST. It’s in black and brown. It smells like the French.

5. No need to say “This is their first Academy Award” for all the Shorts winners. We know this.

4. “The Artist” won, even without Marlee Matlin.

3. I’ll watch “Albert Nobbs”, but only if they bleep out Glenn Close’s face.

2. Jean Dujardin, with that thick accent, let’s hope silent films strike gold twice.

1. Lost my Oscar pool. Fuck you, Google.

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • It often seems like Democrats believe in Christian values, but not in Jesus. While Republicans believe in Jesus, bu… https://t.co/s312rCUH0i
  • “Terrapin Crossroads is the place to be if you can’t get into Wolfgang Pucks.” —Bill Walton, high AF
  • Not sure which makes grumpier - If I haven’t had any coffee by 9am? Or if I haven’t had any alcohol by 9pm?
  • Looking at photos of me at 18 - I was handsome and in great shape, but thought I was ugly and fat. Now at age 39… https://t.co/Upm5oB2a4n
  • I told my girlfriend, “I love you” and she said, “I love you more”. I replied, “No, honey, *I* love me more”.
  • My contribution to the conference call was to unmute myself so I could laugh, then right back on mute again.

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

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