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My Top 10 Oscar tweets

And what a coincidence, they were all written by me. While on wine and hummus…

10. Nice to see The Muppets – Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy making apparences while Fozzie Bear writing Billy Crystal’s jokes.

9. A George Clooney / Stacey Keibler sex tape could save solve world hunger.

8. Don’t know about you, but I LOVE Sound Mixing but fucking HATE Sound Editing.

7. Oscars are too slow – someone give Billy Crystal meth

6. I starred in THE fARTIST. It’s in black and brown. It smells like the French.

5. No need to say “This is their first Academy Award” for all the Shorts winners. We know this.

4. “The Artist” won, even without Marlee Matlin.

3. I’ll watch “Albert Nobbs”, but only if they bleep out Glenn Close’s face.

2. Jean Dujardin, with that thick accent, let’s hope silent films strike gold twice.

1. Lost my Oscar pool. Fuck you, Google.

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • On a train through New Jersey. A woman boarded and asked if she could sit in the seat with the nicer view, so I gave her the aisle seat.
  • White guys can't read the language, but get those Japanese tattoos because they look cool. Maybe Melania just thin… https://t.co/mVQjlYz4Kv
  • Someone tell Trump that mini-series "V" isn't real and aliens from outer space aren't coming to the United States to immigrate.
  • Air Force: "But Mr. President, we don't need Space Force, we already protect the air." Trump: "But you're the Air… https://t.co/4jJQwfE85u
  • Space Force. Finally, a branch of the military for the Coast Guard to make fun of.
  • Looks like somebody saw "Solo" over the weekend! #SpaceForce
  • The closest I've come to being a dad is telling lame dad jokes.

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

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