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My Top 10 Oscar tweets

And what a coincidence, they were all written by me. While on wine and hummus…

10. Nice to see The Muppets – Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy making apparences while Fozzie Bear writing Billy Crystal’s jokes.

9. A George Clooney / Stacey Keibler sex tape could save solve world hunger.

8. Don’t know about you, but I LOVE Sound Mixing but fucking HATE Sound Editing.

7. Oscars are too slow – someone give Billy Crystal meth

6. I starred in THE fARTIST. It’s in black and brown. It smells like the French.

5. No need to say “This is their first Academy Award” for all the Shorts winners. We know this.

4. “The Artist” won, even without Marlee Matlin.

3. I’ll watch “Albert Nobbs”, but only if they bleep out Glenn Close’s face.

2. Jean Dujardin, with that thick accent, let’s hope silent films strike gold twice.

1. Lost my Oscar pool. Fuck you, Google.

 

Author Description

Phil Schwarzmann

I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com

Buy my fucking book! (please)


 

Phil’s debut humor book, “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” is out now on Gummerus Publishers.

  • If everyone reported their friends and neighbors to the authorities who were obsessed with “race, violence and guns… https://t.co/dAgzVRfsvH
  • Mike Pence refuses to be in a room with another man, if figure skating is on.
  • “Let’s ban assault rifles, and when people complain, we’ll send them thoughts and prayers. If thoughts and prayers… https://t.co/wHCfhFcfrN
  • People joke that Fox News is state-run media, but Fox News isn’t STATE-run…Fox News RUNS the state. Trump watches… https://t.co/l6pbRreBRd
  • Luke Wilson involved in a fatal crash, and his nose STILL isn’t as fucked up as his brother’s.
  • Republicans: “It’s a mental health issue!!!” Democrats: “Truth! So let’s do something about mental health.” Repu… https://t.co/tKNe42RKef
  • In Florida, you can legally purchase an assault rifle when you’re 18, but not a Bud Light. Dilly! Dilly! https://t.co/aDxD8kXA2Z

About Better! Funner!


 

Better! Funner! is a blog written and curated by Phil Schwarzmann. You’ll find funny original pieces, some not-so-funny pieces, plus stuff that made Phil laugh from around them internets. Enjoy!

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