Visited Seattle for the first time. Had some free time in between boredom and sleep. Already knocked one out, so why not do a lil’ tweetin’…
@PhilSchwarzmann – Touchdown in Seattle, here till Thursday. Glad someone is getting touchdowns in this city!
@PhilSchwarzmann – In Seattle. Now I see why Kurt Cobain killed himself.
@PhilSchwarzmann – In Seattle, home of Starbucks! Every Starbucks cup says, “WARNING: Coffee is HOT” so local residents don’t purposefully burn themselves.
@PhilSchwarzmann – In a Seattle cab, looking for my hotel. It’s like trying to find a space needle in a haystack.
@PhilSchwarzmann – Not sure why Microsoft would name their product “Windows”, there’s nothing to look at here.
@PhilSchwarzmann – Disappointed. I asked my hotel for a room with a view, and my window looks out to downtown Seattle.
@PhilSchwarzmann – In Seattle. No wonder Dr. Frasier Crane got rich practicing psychiatry here.
@PhilSchwarzmann – Searched for “points of interest” in Seattle. Google returned only one result: Seattle-Tacoma International Airport.
@PhilSchwarzmann – Santa Claus hates visiting Seattle so much, this year he’s sending all the kids shit from Zappos.
@PhilSchwarzmann – I just read they’re shooting the sequel to THE WIRE in Seattle.
@PhilSchwarzmann – Thanks to evolution, babies of longtime Seattle residents have been born with umbrella-shaped heads.
@PhilSchwarzmann – Sleepingpills in Seattle.
I'm a writer, stand-up comic, and author of “How to Marry a Finnish Girl” (Gummerus Publishers, 2011). Better! Funner! is where I write. Poorly. More of my jibber-jabber at: www.philschwarzmann.com
Area Man Has Enthusiastic Conversation With Starbucks
Here’s What’s Really Going On With FINNBAY
How to Roll into Work 2 Hours Late and Not Get Caught
